Everyday Life in the Ice Age
by Boba Addict
Summary: A collection of stories about our favorite Ice Age characters and what goes on in their lives, ranging from Peaches's crazy dreams to Crash and Eddie losing their fur to a furious Diego.
1. M: Sid Drags Us to See a Fortuneteller

**This is something I'm doing so I can emit all the strange thoughts I frequently have. It's filled with nonsensical hilarious content, and it gets really crazy at certain times. Just thinking I should warn you guys. I'll explain more at the end of the chapter.**

"GUYS! I just found a sloth that does fortunetelling!" Sid exclaimed, as he suddenly ran up to us.

I rolled my eyes. "Random much, Sid? And what do you want us to do about it?"

Sid frowned, having realized that nobody caught on to his drift. "I want you, me, and Diego to have our fortunes read! And saying 'random much'? Really? You sound like Peaches! You're too old for teenage talk!"

I heard my daughter snickering behind me. I glared at the sloth. "You're the only one I know who would say that out loud."

"Does that mean you guys want to get fortunes?"

"No!"

Ugh, Sid. He may be one of the closest friends I have, but he's like a rash you can't get rid of. Sometimes I like my other friend, Diego, better. A lot better. But that doesn't mean-

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think it's a good idea, Manny. It would be fun if Sid ends up getting a fortune telling him he'll die because the fungus on his fur ends up catching on fire. And by the time, he still won't have any love life."

...But that doesn't mean I don't think he has problems. Okay, I admit it, that joke was pretty funny, but too insensitive for me to actually laugh at. However, Shira, who is probably just as messed up as he is, didn't hesitate to burst out laughing. Maybe favoring dark humor was a saber thing.

Sid looked horrified. "WHAT?"

I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one who thinks that he needs to learn how to figure out if someone's joking or being serious.

Diego exchanged glances with Shira. "Sid, I was joking."

Sid immediately cheered up. "Oh, okay. But you really want to get fortunes?"

"That part was also part of the joke. So no."

Ellie shook her head. "Come on, you two. It could be fun. I'd love to come, Sid."

Sid looked troubled. "Right, um... The fortuneteller only bothers to read guys' fortunes."

Shira stared. "Well then, that's sexist. What's his problem with girls?"

"Huh? What are you talking about? She's a girl."

The rest of us kept on staring and staring. Until...

"THEN WHY DOES SHE ONLY READ FORTUNES FOR GUYS?" I wonder how we can all yell in unison like that...

Sid shrugged. "It's kind of complicated..."

"Oh yeah, so it's like she set up this whole fortunetelling business just so some nice guy could want his fortune read, and fall in love with her, and become her mate to love for the rest of her life!" Diego sneered acidly. At that time, I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not. Even I find it hard to tell with him sometimes.

All of us, including Sid, were shooting him weird looks. Where'd he come up with _that_?

"Diego, that's the most ridiculous thing I have ever-"

Sid cut me off. "That's exactly what she's trying to do. I always knew you were a mind-reader!" Now it was his turn to receive stares, especially from Diego. I guess that indicates that he was being sarcastic after all.

**One hour later**

Diego was arguing with Sid for the entire hour, with the rest of us watching.

I decided to speak up, after a question came to mind. "Hey, what if she never finds a sloth mate?"

"Oh, she's interspecific."

"WHAT?"

"Interspecific means that she likes animals that aren't her species-"

"I KNOW what interspecific means, Sid!"

**One hour later**

Diego and I spent the past 47 minutes yelling at Sid that this was a bad idea. As for the leftover 13, Ellie, Peaches, and Shira got really sick of us causing a scene for almost 2 hours straight, and forced us to go and get the fortunetelling business over with.

"I hate this," Diego kept on muttering, as we were going to wherever this fortuneteller is.

Sid nudged him. "Lighten up, Diego! It doesn't take that long!"

"I still don't get why we have to do this and possibly end up with some crazy fortune girl falling for one of us. I have a girlfriend, and even if I didn't, I wouldn't want to date a sloth."

"Well... Yeah, but that doesn't mean she's bad at fortunes! I heard that almost every one she gave out is true!"

"What kind of fortunes does she give out anyway?" I asked.

"Love fortunes!"

I was confused. "Then why do me and Diego need our fortunes read? We both have mates already."

"I haven't exactly mated with Shira yet, Manny..."

I ignored Diego, and kept my focus on Sid.

Sid shrugged. "Don't you want to know what's in store for you and Ellie in the future?"

"I'd rather not, it's not like it's going to change anything. Besides, it should be obvious that we're going to stay together."

"True...but there's a chance that things will end badly for Diego and Shira."

"I'm right here," Diego said, growing more irritated by the second.

Sid patted him on the head. "Sorry tiger, but your relationship with her is the type that tends to leave you broken-hearted for life."

Diego growled, and I was sure that he was about to eat Sid, if a female sloth hadn't ran up to the three of us. She smiled. "Hello Sid! I see you've come back!"

Sid smiled back. "Hey Lola! These are my friends, Manny the Moody Mammoth and Diego the Deadly Saber. Guys, this is Lola, the fortuneteller."

I paid no heed to Sid's nicknames for us, and stared at the sloth now known as Lola. She had blue fur, but what really was bizarre was her eyes. Her left one was yellow, while the right was green.

Sid kept on talking. "They want to know the fate of their love."

"No, we don't," Diego muttered. You were the one who wanted to come here, and everyone else decided to side with you."

Lola smiled. "Either way, I'll do it." She put this arranged set of leaves on her head like a crown. Sid explained to us that it was her psychic device. Even after that, Diego's WTF expression never left his face.

He looked at me. "Somehow I just know that this is gonna go wrong."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't want to do this either, but it's not like we can do anything about it. Besides, what are the chances that she's going to fall in love with either of us?"

* * *

It's one week later, and Diego is still mad at both of us. It's pretty obvious why he's angry with Sid, so I'm not going to launch a full-blown explanation on that. As for me, he accused me of 'being full of jinxes.'

I'll elaborate for you. Lola ended up growing attracted to Diego in the end, and tried to hump him (She was a lot less annoying when she wasn't lovesick). And with his luck, Shira ended up coming by at that moment. Of course, she wasn't happy at what she was seeing, so she dragged him away. She ended up giving him the cold shoulder for a couple of days before he finally managed to get her to listen to him and explain why it happened. They're back to normal now, but Diego's still holding a grudge and blaming us for giving him so much 'stress.'

Life lesson learned: _Never _go to a fortuneteller where she might end up humping you, no matter how unlikely it may seem.

**Crabapples... I so fail at writing Manny. OTL**

**The title of this fanfic should be pretty self-explanatory...and this chapter and the story summary should give the hint that this whole thing is extremely random. **

**Also, this will have POV switchings between chapters, meaning that the next chapter will most likely be from Sid's POV, and then the third will be in Diego's, and so on. I'm planning on keeping the POVs between these three guys for now, though there's a 70% chance that I'll end up adding other characters in as well.**

**I am very well aware that the ending of this chapter was very WTF, but I was not about to start writing a humping scene in detail. Let your imagination run free on what it was like.**


	2. S: I Get Crushed By Nicki Minaj

**I'm updating quick because I want to. :P Also, the italicized part of this chapter is from Peaches' POV.**

**Disclaimer: I realized that I didn't put it in the last chapter, so... I don't own Ice Age.**

The whole herd, except for Diego and Shira, is gathered around the fire (which I proudly proclaim to have made). Even though they didn't say it, I'm pretty sure the saber couple went somewhere private so they could do _that _business. And yes, I mean _that_. I'm not going to tell you what it is directly, since it makes me very uncomfortable.

Oh, look, they're back. Shira looks satisfied with something, while Diego seems to be extra grouchy.

"What happened with you two?" Manny asks.

"I got a bigger piece of the stag we caught for dinner," Shira says smugly.

"You hogged it all to yourself!" Diego snaps, sitting down next to her and Manny.

So they weren't doing the mature business after all... That's disappointing.

Peaches giggles. "That reminds me of a dream I had the other day."

Ellie looks at her. "What was it about, sweetie?"

"It was kind of weird..."

* * *

_"LET'S PARTY!" Uncle Sid cheered. These things that produced artificial light suddenly came on, and shined all over the place._

_I was perplexed. I looked towards Louis, and I saw Steffie, Katie, and Meghan all flirting with him. I swear he was right next to me a second ago..._

_"LOUIS!" I yelled._

_"Cool it, mammoth, I'm just hanging with my girls here." He waved me off dismissively. When did he become such a jerk?_

_"Peaches! What's going on here?" Ethan, who had strangely appeared behind me, asked._

_"Oh! Ethan! Um... I have no idea."_

_Uncle Diego suddenly came running. "HELP! I'M BEING CHASED BY LUNATICS!" He hid behind me and Ethan._

_A bunch of saber girls appeared, seemingly looking for my predatory uncle. As if seeing right through us mammoths, they grabbed him and started cooing. _

_"OMG, I saw how you protected your niece from getting hit by that log the sloth family was driving," one of them gushed in a Valley girl accent._

_"So strong," another agreed._

_"Uh..." Uncle Diego didn't seem too sure on what to say._

_"YOU GIRLS BETTA STAY AWAY FROM MAI MAN." Oh boy, that's Dad's voice._

_All the girls cowered back while Dad started nuzzling Diego forcefully. "Diego-poo~ I love you so much~"_

_MY EYES. Ethan looked equally grossed out._

_Mom stomped over and pried Dad off of Diego, and screamed, "LOUSY TWO-TIMER! WHAT SO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"_

_"I'M SORRIIIIIII, ELLIE! I CAN'T HELP IT IF I'M IN LOVE WITH DIEGOOOOOOO!"_

_I closed my eyes. "Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross..." I murmured._

_I turned around to erase the mental image in my head and saw Nicki Minaj standing on top of Uncle Sid, who was unconscious. _

_Ethan looked confused. "Who's she?"_

_I shrugged. "I don't know."_

_Granny ran up to Nicki, holding an orange. "Sidney! Chew this thing for me, I lost my teeth!"_

* * *

"I don't remember the rest, and I woke up at that moment, so...yeah. Looking back on it, I think Louis and Ethan probably switched personalities... Though even Ethan isn't that big of a jerk..." Peaches finishes thoughtfully.

None of us are sure how to react.

"How come me and Eddie weren't in your dream?" Crash complains.

Manny rolls his eyes. "Consider that a good thing. I was gay and practically retarded." He looks at Diego, who had scooted five feet away from him when Peaches was telling about her dream, as he says this.

"Yeah," Shira agrees. "Besides, I wasn't in it either. And I'm not exactly thrilled with the whole idea of Diego having fangirls."

Diego nudges her, smirking. "Jealous?"

"You wish," Shira retorts.

"Peaches..." I start. "What's a Nicki Minaj?"

My niece shrugs. "I'm still not too clear, but for some strange reason, she seemed so much like Steffie, it was scary. I can easily picture them being the same person."

"Right... Anyway, how did Shira eating more than me remind you of your weird dream?" Diego asks.

"I was just thinking that if you were the stag, and Aunt Shira was Dad... Dad was hogging you all to himself."

Manny stares at Peaches. "Peaches, I love you, but that is the weirdest comparison I have ever heard in my entire life."

"I know, but it's still a comparison nonetheless."

**Done! Short chapter, I know, not even 1,000 words... But review please!**


	3. D: Talking Humans Are Annoying

**I seem to update this story faster than all my other ones... :L Also, at one point, Diego is going to use some...vulgar language, so beware. I usually don't cuss in stories (or anywhere in general), just so you know.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ice Age- Good gravy, how many times am I supposed to say that?**

"Come on, Diego!" Sid whines, as both of us walk back to the rest of the herd after he dragged me to help him find food.

I glare. "NO."

Sid pouts, which really kind of makes him look uglier than he already is. "Why not?"

"'Cause I learn my lessons, unlike _somebody_."

"It was just that one time! It won't happen again!"

We arrive back to the herd, still arguing. And of course, Manny steps in between us. "What are the two of you on about this time?"

"Diego won't go fortunetelling with me again!"

Manny sighs. "Yeah, I wouldn't either. Don't you remember what happened last time?"

"I'll make sure Lola keeps her hands off of him this time!"

I shoot Sid a pointed look. My patience is quickly growing thin. "And since you fail at everything, she'll end up managing to pounce on me again. And Shira will end up coming by _again_, since she has terrible timing." I shudder just thinking about it.

Shira looks at me, annoyed.

"I'll talk to her, lecture her about sexual assault, and make her promise that she won't do it again!"

Patience growing even thinner. "No way."

"It'll be fun!"

"No way."

"Come on!"

"No way."

"Please!"

Patience all gone. "Please my ass. No fucking way, sloth. I'm not risking a sexual scene and an angry girlfriend just so I could hear some stupid fortunetelling shit, while you stand nearby, happy as the possum idiots acting high," I snap.

Manny stares at me, Shira raises her eyebrows, Ellie shakes her head, Peaches' eyes widen, her wiener friend coughs, Crash and Eddie are asking each other what 'high' means, and Sid's granny most likely didn't hear a word I said.

"Diego!" Sid exclaims, appalled. "Language! There are minors here!"

I roll my eyes. "Whatever, I'm still not going."

"Whyyyyyyy?"

"Sloth, do me a favor and become smarter, 'cause I already said why about 3 times."

"I'm sick and tired of this ridiculousness. Sid, just go get Diego's fortune without him," Manny groans.

Sid pauses. "You have a point."

"Don't I always?" Manny sighs.

* * *

My right eye starts twitching, as I hold the gigantic leaf in my paw. "THIS ISN'T A FORTUNE!" I scream at the top of my lungs. "IT'S SOME KIND OF DISTURBING LOVE NOTE!" I angrily throw the leaf into the fire Sid just made.

"Hey! Do you know how rare giant leaves are nowadays?" Sid protests, scooping up the leaf, and accidentally catching his tail on fire again.

"Let us see!" Crash and Eddie grab the leaf from the sloth, who was trying his best to put out the flames. Psh, whatever. I'm not helping him this time.

The possum idiots start reading the stupid thing out loud, since unfortunately, it was still eligible.

_Hey, Diego, sweetie, I'm sorry about what happened during our last...encounter. But I plan on making that up to you. -blows kiss- Anyway, as I was saying, you are the best person I have ever met. I get that you have a girlfriend, and I probably should've stopped humping you when she showed up, but...that isn't going to stop me from loving you. I can't stop myself from seeing you everyday, even if it means that you're doing something...private. For instance, a couple weeks ago, I happened to see you and your girlfriend-_

Crash and Eddie cut off abruptly, and stare at the message. Then they bust out laughing.

I growl. "It's not funny! It's scarring! And how did she know what I was doing with Shira anyway?!"

Ellie looks at me. "What _were _you doing?"

"Nothing!" I say quickly.

"They...they were-"

"Having-"

I hurry up and fling Crash and Eddie far away before they can say anything else, throw the leaf back into the fire much to Sid's dismay, and look towards Shira for help.

She rolled her eyes before saying, "Nothing happened. We were just together, that's all."

I gotta give Shira credit for being such a good liar without even having a tint of red on her face.

Anyway-

We interrupt this program with an urgent news message. Denis Leary has spoken in an exclusive interview that the two new lovebirds Diego and Shira have shared a kiss in the new movie, Ice Age: Continental Drift. However, after watching the movie, we all realize that there was no lip-to-lip contact. The kiss scene was most likely deleted, and will probably be put on the DVD, once it is released. Nobody knows the reason why that scene was deleted, as all the fans out there who are aware of it are going crazy and complaining that scene shouldn't have been the one to get scrapped. Some believe that it was deleted to prevent the disgust of seeing Sid's grandmother puke. Now Ice Age fans are more excited than ever for the DVD to be released, which will probably be around September or October-

"WILL YOU GUYS GET OUTTA HERE?!" I yell at the weird talking humans. "AND STOP SHOVING THAT BLACK THING ON A STICK INTO MY FACE!"

The humans look at me for a second and leave, but not before announcing:

We apologize for the extreme rudeness of the saber-toothed tiger named Diego; he is either dying of embarrassment right now or he's just upset because of a female interspecific sloth. Maybe it's both. You decide.

It's probably just me, but future humans are much more annoying than the non-talking ones in the Ice Age...

Anyway, as I was saying, how the heck did the weird creepy she-sloth know about me and Shira's...activities? ...Wait a second...

I walk towards the nearby bushes and look behind the biggest one.

"AH! DIEGO!" Lola jumps when she sees that she's been found out.

Figures. Stalker chick.

"Lola!" I say, annoyed. "Do _not _stalk me! It's not helping you get on my good side!" Not that she ever will.

"How did you even see me?"

"I didn't. But your little love letter just basically proved that you spy on me."

"Aw, come on! Ever thought up the possibility that I could've probably just 'stumbled' across you and your girlfriend?"

"I have a name, you know," Shira comments dryly.

Lola ignores her. "Besides, whether it's infatuation or not, nobody can resist watching two animals doing-"

I quickly slap my paw over her mouth before she can continue.

"Please," I hiss quietly. "Not in front of everybody."

"Oh...okay. So I should probably leave no-" She suddenly pounces on me again. Hey, don't look now, but she's pretty strong...for a sloth.

"GAH! GET HER OFF ME! GET HER OFF ME!"

Most. Humiliating. Day. Ever. Not even the time that gazelle taunted me for not being able to catch him can compare to this...

**Yes, everything about Diego and Shira's deleted kiss scene is true... I went bonkers when I first heard about it, and decided to do a skit of me taking my anger out on Sid after this chapter. I'm okay now, but I still kind of wanted to do it, but then I changed my mind and made that whole 'newspeople suddenly coming in and announcing it' part. I know, it's weird. But I'm a weird girl... :L**

**I really don't want to rant about multiple things at once, but I noticed that the only pairing that has been in this story is Diego and Shira OTL. Please tell me that's supposed to be natural when that's your favorite pairing in the movie... I make it a challenge to write a single chapter without any interaction between the two love kitties.**

**Also, that 'black thing on a stick' is a microphone. :P**

**Plus, feel free to let your mind wander off to Mental Image Land and figure out what Diego and Shira were secretly doing (Even I don't know...). :D**

**Just a quick (and very stupid) question, 'cause I absolutely fail. When a saber-toothed tiger accidentally gets his sabers ripped out...they won't grow back, am I right? I'm almost positive they don't, but considering that Diego is an animated saber, should they grow back if he loses them? ...Yeah, you guys can probably see where I'm going with this.**

**Finally, anyone want to see some love triangles with our favorite pairings? I'm talking about Manny and Ellie and Diego and Shira. And the love rivals will be guys, for a change. And I might get Sid a love interest. Already imagined one up, just so you know. ;P**


	4. M: A Sleepy Louis is a Cranky Louis

**Nothing much to say here, except that the italicized part of this chapter is written in a 3rd person point of view. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything, except for the plot.**

**EDIT: I'm re-uploading this chapter, 'cause somehow it's not showing up in the public.**

"Dad," Peaches comes up to me. "Can I go hang with Ethan and his friends?"

I frown, considering it. "I don't know... You know I don't trust that boy."

"Daaaaaaad."

I sigh in defeat. "Fine, fine. Go ahead. And where's Wie- I mean, Louis?"

Peaches shrugs. "He was busy all day yesterday, and ended up sleeping really late. He hasn't woken up yet, so I decided not to disturb him."

Crash and Eddie pop up. "Aw, but it's no fun without Wiener to make fun of!"

My daughter and I both roll our eyes.

Crash looks at Eddie. "Should we wake him up, bro?"

Eddie looks back. "Yeah, duh! He's got enough sleep already!"

Both head in the direction of Louis's burrow.

"Uh, I wouldn't do that if I were you," Peaches calls out after them. "His mom told me that he hates it when others wake him up while he's still tired."

"Tch, how bad can that be?" Crash scoffs.

"Yeah, he's just a little molehog!" Eddie adds.

"Isn't he bigger than you two?" I question.

"Only by a few inches!"

**20 minutes later**

"No, Sid, it's not possible for a sloth to win a fight against a saber," I say rather matter-of-factly.

"Aw!" Sid complains.

"Knew it," Diego grins.

"You always take Diego's side in these things!" Sid whines.

"That's because he's usually right," I sigh.

"Yeah- Wait, 'usually'?" Diego looks at me.

"Don't get too ahead of yourself, Mr. Double Agent," I answer, referring to the time when we first met. "That's why I'm the leader of this herd."

A regretful Crash suddenly comes in, carrying—or dragging—a crying Eddie.

"What trouble did you guys get into this time?" I ask, though I'm not really that interested.

"W-W-We should've l-listened to P-Peaches," Eddie sobs. "Louis is t-t-terrible when he's woken up!"

I stare at them, curiosity now piqued. If it was bad enough to scare these two _and _make them call Louis by his actual name, I have got to hear this.

"Oh, come to think of it, I did hear someone yelling in the distance," Sid says thoughtfully. "But I thought it was just Diego shouting at Lola again."

"Please, Sid," Diego groans. "Spare me the stress of thinking about that again."

I ignore both of them. "What exactly happened?" I ask.

* * *

_Crash and Eddie snuck into his burrow, and sure enough, Louis was sleeping soundly near the entrance._

_"Aw, he looks so cute and innocent," Crash cooed, though an evil grin quickly crept up onto his face. "I almost don't wanna wake him up."_

_"Got any creative ideas on how we should do it?" asked Eddie, who was wearing the exact same grin._

_"Splash some cold ice water on his face."_

_Eddie frowned. "Dude, that's old."_

_"Is not!" _

_"Is too!" _

_"Is not!"_

_"Is too!"_

_"IS NOT!"_

_"IS TOO!"_

_They were so caught up in arguing, they failed to notice that their antics had woken a certain molehog up._

_"YOU'RE AN IDIOT!"_

_"OH YEAH?!" Crash raised his fists. "BRING IT!"_

_"Who gave you filthy rats permission to enter my burrow...?"_

_Both possums froze, as they slowly turned to face the new speaker. Louis was now awake, and very, very angry. There was an almost-visible dark aura seeping through him._

_Eddie laughs nervously. "Oh... You see, your parents let us in... We're friends, aren't we?"_

_Louis was not amused. "Both of you... GET OUT OF HERE!" Out of nowhere, he took out the knife (HOW DID HE DO THAT?!) he used during the battle with Gutt. "BEFORE I SLICE YOUR TAILS OFF!"_

_Crash and Eddie both screamed girlish screams before scurrying out of the ground. Louis grumbled to himself, putting the knife away and going back to sleep._

* * *

Crash finishes the story, with Eddie now crying harder than before.

The three of us just stare at them.

Sid eventually starts crying along with Eddie. "That's so scary! You poor little things!"

Diego just looks at me. "Never thought I'd ever say this, but... That's scary."

I sigh for the millionth time. "Diego, please... Don't be so hypocritical."

Diego becomes confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Never mind," I mutter. "I'd prefer not to recall the memories."

Diego looks even more confused now. "Okay?"

Sid hugs Eddie, patting him on the back. "There, there. It's all over. There's no scary molehog out to get you now."

Louis pops out from the ground. "Did someone say molehog?"

Crash and Eddie yelp and run up a tree. Sid fearfully grabs a stick and holds it in a defensive pose.

Louis has a questioning look on his face. "What's wrong with them?"

I wave my trunk dismissively. "It's not that big of a deal... Weren't you asleep?"

Louis stifled a yawn. "Yeah, but I just woke up. Have any of you seen Peaches?"

"Yeah, she went to hang out with the other mammoths." I pointed in the direction where Peaches had gone.

Crash and Eddie finally find the courage to stick their heads out of the tree leaves. "Um... Don't you remember anything about threatening to slice off me and Crash's tails?"

Louis looks at Eddie weirdly. "No...?"

Crash drops down on to the ground indignantly. "What?! So you're saying that we went through all of that, and you don't even _remember_?! Why I oughtta-" Eddie silences him.

By this point, Louis is extremely perplexed. "Um... Is Mister Crash okay...?"

I wave the situation off again. "He's fine. He's just going through...hallucinations. We all have those from time to time, don't we?"

Louis nods, understanding. "We do. Especially since dreams are technically hallucinations. Well, I'm going to go find Peaches. Bye." He goes back underground, digging his way through, occasionally hitting a small rock now and then.

Eddie finally takes his hand off of Crash's mouth. Crash gasps for air, glaring at his brother. "Dude! What was that for?!" Eddie shrugs in return and jabs him. Long story short, this turns into a full-out slap fight.

Diego watches them. "Well... At least Wiener and those two forgot about what happened... And seriously, what did you mean when you said I was being hypocritical?"

"Yeah, what _did _you mean?" Sid enters the conversation.

"Nothing," I lie. Best not to say it.

**Before you ask... Yes, you will see what Manny means when he calls Diego a hypocrite (in the next chapter too. Cough, cough, for once I have the next chapter all planned out... Okay, partially planned out, but that's better than nothing).**

**Ah, I'm glad I actually made room in the spotlight for Louis... I've been ignoring him the first three chapters. Only mentioned once in the last one. D: ...Wait, I've been ignoring Granny too. NUUUUUUUUU -goes to sit in the corner- Ah well, I'll come up with a chapter that centers around her... Don't know when though, haha.**

**And I actually managed not to put in any Dira moments (Shira's obviously not even in this one) for the very first time! Yay~ ...Wait, why am I cheering? o.o**

**Yeah, this was a quick update... But I really wanted to get this one down as soon as possible. ;P**

**Review please! And you might get a plushie of your favorite Ice Age character. ^.^**


	5. S: Diego is a Scent Pervert

**Another extremely quick update, because I know you guys are curious about the whole 'hypocritical Diego' and because I'm getting absorbed in this story more and more.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ice Age. And you're annoying, so go away.**

"You rats hurry up and fetch me my teeth!" My oh-so-warm granny starts clonking Crash and Eddie on the heads with her cane.

"Ow! Ow! Stop it! Crazy old lady!"

Granny turns to me. "Now as for you, Sidney, hurry up and fetch me another kiwi! Those things are good!"

"Ugh... Fine..."

* * *

I walk with Crash and Eddie, trying to find what Granny wants. "I can't believe she lost her teeth _again_," Crash grumbles.

"Yeah, how hard is it to miss some giant freaky chompers?" Eddie complains.

I sigh. "Can't we just get her a kiwi first? There's a kiwi vine nearby anyway."

"As long as you help us look for her teeth after!"

We walk over to the kiwi vine, where Diego was taking his daily nap.

"Shira... You smell like strawberries..." Diego purrs. Ah, the disadvantage of a sleep-talker.

All three of us snicker before getting a nice and fairly juicy kiwi... Wait, it's quiet here... Too quiet...

"SIDNEY!" Granny hobbles over. "WHERE ARE MY FOOD AND CHOMPERS?!"

Never mind.

"Granny," I say patiently. "I got the food, but not the teeth. You can't eat this without them, you know."

"WELL I'M HUNGRY! SO HURRY UP!"

"Shh, Granny!" I whisper. Luckily Diego didn't wake up. "Diego's sleeping! It's rude to wake someone else up!"

"It's true. We learned that lesson after that incident with Wiener..." the possums add in.

"WHAT? SIDNEY, I CAN'T HEAR YA IF YOU'RE JUST WHISPERIN' IN MY EAR!"

"Granny, please! Be quiet!"

"WHAT?"

"Uh, guys..." Crash says nervously.

"SIDNEY! LEARN TO SPEAK UP! A GRANDSON WHO KNOWS HOW TO SPEAK UP IS A GOOD GRANDSON!"

"Granny, I'm begging you! Please tone it down!"

"Yeah, you really should tone it down..." Eddie remarks, sounding scared.

"I WANNA HEAR SOME STRONG VOICES!"

"Granny, you really aren't paying attention to what I'm trying to tell you, are you?"

"GUYS!" Crash and Eddie yell.

"NOW THOSE ARE WHAT I CALL STRONG VOICES! WHY CAN'T YOU DO THAT, SIDNEY?"

For the very first time in my life, I ignore her and turn my attention to the two possums. "Guys, you have to be quiet too! We don't want to disturb Diego!"

Eddie groans and slaps his forehead.

"THE WHOLE REASON WE WERE CALLING YOU GUYS IS BECAUSE YOUR CRAZY GRANDMA'S VOICE _ALREADY_ WOKE HIM UP!" Crash yells, climbing up my body and forcing his face close to mine.

I grow confused. "Wait, what?"

I look at the spot where Diego was napping a moment ago. Not there anymore. Hm, where could he-

I feel a paw wrap around my throat, and suddenly Diego appears, with a visibly fiery _and _dark aura surrounding the air around him. "YOU FOUR MORONS HAVE 5 SECONDS TO GET ALL OF YOUR BUTTS OUT OF HERE BEFORE I MAUL YOU TO DEATH!"

With me carrying Granny, and the possums on my head, I run as fast as I can from the angry tiger. Believe me, I've seen what he can do when provoked, and all I can say is that it's not pretty.

"He's just as bad as Wiener!" Crash whines.

"It makes the normal Diego seem friendly!" Eddie wails.

Unfortunately, Granny still doesn't seem to get the concept, as she yells, "THE TIGER'S GOT AN EVEN STRONGER VOICE! SEE WHAT YOUR FRIENDS CAN DO, SIDNEY! AND PUT ME DOWN!" She starts hitting me with her cane.

"Granny, is this really the time to be talking about voice strengths?!" I pant, while enduring the wrath of her curved stick.

Looks like Louis isn't the only one who gets cranky when someone destroys his peaceful slumber. And for some reason, I'm really starting to get why Manny called Diego a hypocrite a while back... But how did he even know about Diego's...problems? I'll have to ask him later. But-

"Uh, Sid," Eddie interrupts my thoughts. "You can stop running now."

"I don't think Diego came after us either," Crash continues.

"Oh...okay." I slow down to a stop. The possums jump off my head.

"Aw, man! How come the two of us are always involved with a cranky animal?!" they both whine.

"I'M STILL HUNGRY, SIDNEY!"

I groan. "Granny, is that all you can think about, even after that chaos?!"

"WHERE ARE MY TEETH?!" Of course she'd ignore me...

"Granny!" Ellie approaches us. "You left your teeth by that rock over there." She gives Granny her teeth.

Granny smiles. "Why thank you, Ellie! You're a good mammoth!" So she finally lowers her voice. Not exactly the best timing.

She puts her teeth into her mouth. "Now Sidney, where's my kiwi?"

I freeze (not literally, even though we're surrounded by ice) and look back in the direction of the kiwi vine. "I, um...may have dropped it...when we were running away from Diego."

"WHAT?!" Granny yells angrily. "YOU SAD EXCUSE OF A SLOTH!" She starts hitting me again.

"Granny!" Shira runs over to us. "You dropped your kiwi." She gives the fruit to Granny.

Granny smiles and pats Shira on the head. "You and Ellie are such good girls! How come both your mates are such killjoys?!"

She shreds her kiwi with her teeth and sighs, satisfied. "Now that's good stuff!"

"Hey, how did you know that Granny wanted that kiwi?" I question Shira.

Shira shrugs. "I may have been passing by when I saw you guys at the kiwi vine."

"...Does that mean you saw us running away from Diego?!"

"Yeah, kind of."

"What?! And you just kept watching?!"

"It was pretty entertaining, actually."

Granny hits me one more time. "You see, this is why women are superior to men! They're more helpful, and they use their brain!"

"OW! GRANNY! STOP IT!"

Granny smiles. "NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! A STRONG VOICE!"

Ellie looks confused. "Wait, what happened?"

I sigh. "Long story."

Crash and Eddie sniff Shira. "Hey! You really do smell like strawberries!"

Shira sighs. "I get the feeling that you know that because of Diego."

The possums nod. "Your boyfriend's actually more perverted than he seems."

**LOL Diego's a scent pervert. :P**

**You know, I might even have the next chapter up by tonight, if I have time. :D**

**As a response to KaylaDestroyer's review, the chapter where Diego loses his teeth is going to be the one after the next.**

**I'm glad that I managed to put Granny in here… So now I'm not ignoring anybody now. :D …Unless if I'm completely forgetting someone. o.o**

**Review please! Those plushies are still for sale! ;)**


	6. D: The Author is a Big Fat Liar

**HOLY BOBA. It took me 5 months to write 5 chapters of my other fanfic Be Yourself, and yet this took less than a month to get 6 chapters. I need to start balancing my writing more...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ice Age. AND I TOLD YOU TO GO AWAY, DIDN'T I?!**

"Mom, Dad, what does it feel like to kiss someone?"

"I don't know..." Manny starts, but then realizes something. "Peaches, don't tell me..."

"No! Dad, no! It's impossible for me to kiss anyone. My trunk's in the way!"

Manny sighs in relief. "Oh, good. But seriously, why do you ask?"

Peaches shrugs. "Just curious."

"Well I think your Uncle Diego knows the answer to that one."

"What?!" I exclaim. "No, I don't!"

Manny eyes me knowingly. "Yeah, you do."

"Give me one good reason why I should know!"

"One: You're not single. Two: You don't have a trunk, so nothing's stopping you from doing so. Three: Remember the weird talking humans who kept on ranting about a 'deleted kiss scene'? Four: You remember back at the sirens-"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" I say quickly before he can give out too much information. That little secret was still between him, me, and Sid. "That kiss scene was _deleted_! So it technically doesn't count!"

"Sure," Manny says sarcastically.

"But you have kissed Shira before, haven't you, Diego?" Ellie asks.

"You know, it'd be nice if you would ask me that when she's not standing right next to me," I mumble. Shira smirks.

"No, he hasn't," she answers for me. "Not very affectionate, as you can see."

"But he has kissed a certain someone before," a talking human girl says, as she appears out of nowhere.

"Uh, yeah... Who are you?" Manny asks.

The girl grins. "I'm BobaAddict!"

I scowl in confusion. "Who?"

'BobaAddict' frowns. "BobaAddict! You know, the author of this story?"

"Oh, so you're the one who's responsible for the entire mess we're going through everyday."

"Duh. And I have plenty more ideas." She grins evilly.

We all groan.

"Anyway, as I was saying, Diego's lost his first kiss to the last person he wanted to lose it to."

"Who said that was my first kiss?!" I ask, annoyed.

"So you're saying it wasn't?"

"...Okay, it was, but..."

"HA!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Will you two stop arguing?" Shira sighs. "Now give more details."

"WHAT! Shira, I— Gah, never mind. It's always me..." I start muttering to myself.

Of course, nobody listens to me.

BobaAddict grins again. "Diego's first kiss was... Drumroll please!"

Crash and Eddie start banging on some ice blocks.

"OKAY, ENOUGH DRUMMING!"

Both possums stop.

"Now I'm going to cut right to the chase. Diego and Sid kissed."

The possums both faint, Ellie starts cleaning out her ears to make sure she heard right, Peaches has this weird look on her face, and Manny just shakes his head knowingly.

"WHAT?!" Shira roars. Sheesh, and people say I'm loud.

BobaAddict merely shrugs. "They were making out for like five hours, they charged at each other, embraced each other, you name it."

"LIAR!" I yell. "THAT WAS NOT WHAT HAPPENED!"

"Face it; you enjoyed it, didn't you?"

"I TOLD YOU! THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED! AND NO, I DID NOT ENJOY IT!"

"But you admit it happened."

"Well, yeah, but–"

"HAH!"

"STOP DOING THAT!"

She shrugs again. "It's my job to mess with you."

"But seriously, why me? The worst things happen to me here! And why do talking humans only appear in my chapters?!"

"You're not supposed to say that! That's breaking the fourth wall!"

"You're already breaking the fourth wall by being here," I say under my breath.

"I heard that!"

"You were supposed to! You're the one typing up all this!"

"...True... Look, I have to go now. But before I do, who wants pictures of Sid and Diego's kiss?" She holds up multiple pictures of the two of us back at Siren Cove.

"How'd you get those?!"

"It's something that hasn't been invented yet. It's called a camera. Now who wants to take these off my hands? I put a good effort in capturing good shots!"

"You wouldn't..." I threaten.

"Oh yes, I would. And you can't kill me, since you're existing in this fanfic because of me," she replies coolly.

"Isn't that power abuse?"

"Who cares? Now who wants these?"

"WE DO!" Crash and Eddie have woken up by now, and grab a couple.

Ellie shrugs and takes one too. "It's a good souvenir."

BobaAddict turns to Shira. "Are you sure you don't want one? I mean, I know you're shocked, but it serves as good blackmail."

Shira pretends to think. "You have a point. And it looks pretty amusing, so...I'll take one."

Sid returns with Granny from their morning walk. "Granny, for the last time, it's not possible to–" He stops talking when he sees BobaAddict. "Who's this?"

BobaAddict turns to him. "No one special. Now I have one more picture, and I want you to have it." She grabs Sid's hand and puts the picture in it. "Now I have to go! Goodbye, friends!"

"Good riddance..." I grumble.

Sid looks at the picture weirdly. "...It's showing my wrong angle."

**YES, IT'S DONE. IT IS NOW UPLOADED BEFORE THE NIGHT ENDS. :D**

**This one was kind of random...but honestly, these chapters are thought up as I type them. :P And forgive me for making it so short OTL.**

**Also, although I have never met her before, this is dedicated to Aidorable's friend, as I heard that she absolutely loved the kiss scene between Sid and Diego. **

**Review please!**


	7. Bonus Chapter: C: Diego Gets Toothless

**If you recall the author's note 2 chapters ago, you'll obviously know what this chapter is going to be about. :D**

**Disclaimer: -_- ...I give up on making you leave me alone. I don't own Ice Age.**

"EDDIE!" I cry out. "I HAVE THIS AWESOME IDEA!"

Eddie looks at me warily. "It doesn't have anything to do with waking Wiener up again, right?"

I frown. "Of course not, duh! I may be stupid, but I'm not _that _stupid!"

He nods. "Then spill."

I take out two long sticks with lines hanging on the ends. "Tree fishing!"

"_Tree fishing_?"

"Yeah! It's like fishing, only you do it from a tree, and there's no water!"

"You moron, that's dumb! Why would we fish if there's not going to be any fish?"

I frown again. "Don't call me a moron! And so we could steal stuff from the others! Duh!"

Eddie thinks about it. "Let's do it!" he grins.

* * *

So far, we've caught our niece's flower, Granny's cane, and Sid's dignity. As in we accidentally caught his tail, and when we were pulling on it, he ended up in midair until Manny came to set him free. What a killjoy.

"Bro!" Eddie yells. "I think I caught something!"

"Yeah, same here! On the count of three, we pull! One, two... Uh, what comes after two?"

Eddie glares at me. "THREE, YOU IDIOT!"

I glare back. "WELL I WAS JUST ASKING! Okay, one, two...three!"

We both pull as hard as we could, and we hear something snap below us, and then a deafening roar. Eddie and I both look at each other, before running off as fast as we can, carrying our fishing lines with us. Once we get to the safe zone, we look at what we had caught. Both of us had caught the same thing. They're sharp and pointy, and there's a little blood on one end. The one I caught was slightly chipped, most likely because I might have accidentally scraped it on something when I was running for my life. ...Hey, I don't try to be careful with this stuff, alright?!

"Crash..." Eddie asks me. "What are these? They look kinda familiar..."

"You idiot!" I laugh. "These are... I don't know."

Eddie glares at me again. "Then you have no right to call me an idiot!"

"Yes I do! I'm the older brother here!"

Eddie slaps me. I return the favor. We both start one of our infamous slap fights, forgetting about the mystery objects that we had caught.

* * *

Once we were done with our slap fight, which was like 5 minutes ago, we made peace and went back to the rest of the herd. When we got there, we noticed that the only ones not around were Diego and Shira (and Wiener, who had probably already started heading back to his burrow. But he's beside the point). This is the part where we all snicker. Hehehe.

Oh, speak of the devil. They're back, and Diego's got this cloth covering his mouth. He looks pretty dejected about something, and Shira's just looking at him with a concerned look on her face. The rest of us could sense the unhappy atmosphere, and we all decide not to tease them for once.

"Um... What happened?" Ellie eventually asks.

"There's been a little...accident," Shira replies. "I don't know how it happened, and neither does he, but...it just did, I guess. So I had to hunt down a gazelle for him and, uh...chew the meat for him."

Okay, something happened that made Diego unable to hunt. That much I get. And I'm pretty sure we would've all smiled at what Shira said if the situation isn't so serious.

"I'm guessing that the thing covering Diego's mouth has something to do with this?" Manny guesses.

Shira looks uneasy. "Um... Yeah."

"Hey, if something happened, you should tell us. We won't laugh or anything... Okay, maybe the possums might laugh, but the rest of us won't."

Hey! Even we won't laugh if something bad happens! Just because me and Eddie were having fun when the world was ending doesn't mean we're always like that! ...Right?

"...Imstmashaers," Diego mumbles, his cloth muffling out his voice.

"Uh, okay..." Sid says, confused. "I couldn't understand any of that."

"I SAID, I LOST MY SABERS! GOT IT?!" Diego explodes, and takes off the cloth.

The rest of us, except for Shira, just stare. Diego really is missing both of his long front teeth. But how did it happen?

"Diego..." Manny starts. "Explain. Please."

"Like Shira said, I don't know what happened. I was just napping under a tree, and then I suddenly woke up since I felt excruciating pain in my mouth and I tasted blood. I went to Shira so she could see what was wrong with me, and then she told me that my sabers were GONE!"

Wait... Napping under a tree...? Me and Eddie were fishing from a tree... And didn't we both hear this really loud roar beneath us when we got those two pointy things? And those pointy things looked exactly like... Oops. I look over at Eddie, and I can tell he's thinking the exact same thing as I am. Everyone else look over at us with suspicious expressions. I think me and Eddie's faces tell all they need to know: We know something.

"Crash, Eddie... Did you do something?" Ellie interrogates us. And yes, I know what 'interrogate' means.

Me and Eddie make a run for it, but we soon realize that we're getting nowhere. We look behind us to see that Diego was holding on to both of our tails. CURSE OUR TEENY SIZE AND LONG TAILS!

Diego holds both of us upside down, and gives a very dark and frightening smile. "As you can see, my sabers are missing, and I would greatly appreciate it if you would tell me all you know about their disappearance."

Crud, he's scary.

"W-Well, you see, w-we don't r-really know anything, I m-mean, it's not l-like we a-accidentally r-ripped your s-sabers out..." Eddie stammers.

That stupid idiot! He's always been a terrible liar.

Flames engulf Diego. "YOU TWO NO-GOOD PEA-FOR-BRAINS RIPPED MY SABERS OUT?!" Well, he's taking this pretty well.

Eddie breaks down. "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! IT WAS ALL CRASH'S IDEA!"

That little traitor... "NO IT WASN'T, YOU JERK!" I yell furiously. "YOU WERE IN IT AS MUCH AS I WAS!"

"I DON'T CARE WHOSE IDEA IT WAS OR IF IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! MY SABERS ARE **GONE**!"

"NO THEY'RE NOT! THEY'RE RIGHT HERE, SEE?!" I get out both fishing lines, where the sabers are still hanging from.

Okay, bad idea. That just seems to make Diego even angrier.

"SOMEONE SAVE US!" Eddie whines.

"Oh look, Diego. It's already past the possums' curfew! I better get them to sleep!" Ellie says quickly, as she pries me and Eddie from Diego's grasp, and hurries off with us. I LOVE YOU, SISTER. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO REPAY YOU.

But sadly, Diego doesn't seem to buy that excuse. "POSSUMS DON'T HAVE CURFEWS! THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE NOCTURNAL!" he yells.

Eep... I'm scared for my life. Me and Eddie are already lucky that Diego isn't coming after us. But it's pretty obvious that he's not going to let this incident go anytime soon.

* * *

"So..." I say awkwardly. It's the next morning, just so you know. "He's still mad, is he?"

"Gee, I don't know," Shira answers sarcastically. "I mean, why else would I tie him up against a tree?" She points at the tree near us, where Diego, who's shooting death glares in our direction, is tied up against with some vines.

Sid opens his mouth to answer, before Shira says, "Sid, please. Don't answer that."

"I hope both of you now know that it's a bad idea to tree fish," Manny sighs.

"No, really?" me and Eddie ask sarcastically.

"I'LL GET BACK AT BOTH OF YOU!" Diego shouts to us.

Oh no... I've always thought Diego was a cool guy ever since he saved me and Eddie's (and Sid's) skins back when there was a flood. But when he gets angry...he's just a destructive lunatic.

"Eddie... Let's stay away from Diego," I tell my brother.

He nods. "Right."

The both of us salute each other.

* * *

"OH MY GOD!" The both of us scream when we look at each other. It's the afternoon now, and we had just woken up from a nap.

Okay, you're obviously wondering why we screamed. I screamed because I saw that Eddie has _no fur_, and even I can figure out that he screamed because I'm bald too. And it doesn't take a genius to figure out who did this. We look at the tree where Diego was _supposed _to be tied up, and sure enough, we just see a bunch of broken vines with no tiger in sight.

Manny and the others (except for Diego and Wiener) hurry over to see what happened. "Hey, we heard you guys scream. What–" Manny notices us and sighs. "Figures."

"How could Diego have escaped so easily? I made sure that the vines were tight and secure enough to last till at least nighttime!" Shira says, obviously confused.

"Maybe you miscalculated?" Ellie suggests.

Sid looks guilty, and seems to want to run away and never come back. I think Shira senses this, as she grabs Sid's tail and holds him upside down, with a very dark and frightening smile on her face.

"As you can see, Diego is missing, and I would greatly appreciate it if you would tell me all you know about his disappearance," she says innocently.

Crud, she's just as scary as Diego. And for some reason, I feel like I'm reliving a scene here...

"O-Okay! Earlier today, he told me that he needed to pee, so I cut his vines so he could go!"

"YOU IDIOT!" Shira explodes. "HE DIDN'T NEED TO GO ANYWHERE TO PEE! I ALREADY GOT A TUBE, PUT ONE END IN THE GROUND, AND PUT THE OTHER END UP HIS–"

"Okay, Shira, I think we get the idea," Manny says quickly. "We don't need any mental images."

Sid looks taken aback. "Wait, so that means you touched his pe-"

"HOW COULD YOU FALL FOR THAT?!" Shira yells before he could finish his sentence.

"'Cause he's the biggest moron you'd ever meet, other than the little twerps who got rid of my teeth," comes the voice of the last animal we want to see, as he approaches the rest of us.

"Diego, did you really have to shave off Crash and Eddie's fur?" Manny asks.

Diego just shrugs. "It'll grow back, unlike their tails. They're lucky I didn't cut those off, 'cause I was seriously considering it." He glares at us.

Wiener pops up from the ground. "Hey guys– Did I miss something...?" he asks when he sees a tiger without sabers, two possums without fur, another tiger who's holding a sloth upside down, and a bunch of broken vines tied around a tree.

Yes you did.

"Never mind, I don't want to know. But do any of you know why my burrow is half-filled with urine?"

We all look at Diego.

"What?! I didn't use the tube Shira gave me!" he says defensively.

"He really didn't... I did," Sid speaks up timidly.

"WHAT?! IF YOU NOTICED THE TUBE THERE, WHY DID YOU FALL FOR DIEGO'S LIE?!" Shira starts shaking Sid.

"GAH! Stop shaking me! It's making the blood go to my head even faster!" Sid begs.

**THE LONG AWAITED CHAPTER IS NOW FINISHED.**

**This is what I count a bonus chapter, as the point of view isn't from Manny's, Sid's, or Diego's.**

**And this is probably counted as one of the longest chapters you'll see from me.**

**Want to know a fun fact? My original plan really was to get Diego to cut off Crash and Eddie's tails. But then I decided that that's too harsh. :L**

**And I _completely _ignored Granny again. ;A;**

**Review please!**


	8. M: It's a Normal Day For Once

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ice Age. And has anyone ever told you that you're the most annoying thing that ever existed?**

"Hey, guys, look! Our fur is starting to grow back!" Crash says excitedly, as he and Eddie hold up their armpits to reveal hair under there. Of course their armpit hair grows first.

I roll my eyes. "Okay, we don't need to see that. You can put your arms down now."

"You know, even though Diego's sabers are also starting to grow back, he's still mad at you guys," Shira remarks, nodding toward the sleeping tiger nearby.

The possums frown. "Why?! They're growing back, aren't they?!"

"When has Diego ever been easy to forgive?" I point out.

They continue frowning.

"Aw, don't be sad, little ones," Sid comforts them. "He'll forget about it soon enough."

"But it's already been a month!" Eddie complains.

"Exactly. Now you only have to wait 11 more months!" Sid says happily.

"I don't know about you, but that's not very 'soon' in my opinion," Shira mutters.

"Time passes by quick if you get your mind off of what you're waiting for! And how does it feel having to hunt for him while waiting for his teeth to completely grow back?"

"To be honest... It's very annoying. Now I have to hunt double prey during every meal. And I still have to chew for him. That's pretty much why I want his sabers to grow faster." Shira glares at the possums, and they cower.

"Hey, how far are they from growing completely back anyway?" I ask.

"I don't know. Crash, Eddie, climb into his mouth and check," Shira instructs.

"Why do we have to go?" the possums whine.

"One reason is because you two are the only ones small enough to go in there. Another is that all these problems happened because of you." Shira intensifies her glare.

"Fine, we get it! We'll go!" they both grumble before crawling inside Diego's mouth.

Sadly, Diego wakes up at that moment. "# &%!" he roars before spitting both possums out.

"DIEGO! What did I tell you about using vulgar language?!" Sid scolds.

"I think everyone on this half of the island heard him..." I say under my breath.

"WERE YOU TWO TRYING TO RIP MY TEETH OUT AGAIN?!" Diego shouts at the possums.

"What–"

"No–"

"TRY CLIMBING INTO MY MOUTH AGAIN AND I'LL REALLY CUT YOUR TAILS OFF THIS TIME!"

Me, Shira, and Sid stand watching from the sidelines. "As much as I don't like putting the blame on others, you know it was your fault that he's yelling at them, right?" I ask Shira.

She just shrugs. "That's true... But I'll tell him that later." She turns to Sid. "And you said that it'll take 11 more months for him to forgive them, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Add 6 more months on to that, seeing as what just happened."

* * *

"Manny, what happened? I heard someone yell an extremely inappropriate word while I was picking apples, and I think it came from your direction," Ellie asks me.

"It involved your brothers getting into trouble with Diego," I explain as best I could.

My mate shakes her head, sighing. "I should've known that it was Diego. He's the only one I know who would yell a bad word that loudly."

"Haha," I chuckle awkwardly. "That could not be more true. So where's my sweet little angel?" I change the subject, looking around for my daughter.

"Your 'sweet little angel' is out with Louis."

"Alright then."

A swirly thing suddenly appears next to us, and out pops a familiar looking human. "Hey Manny. Hey Ellie," she greets.

"Oh, hey, it's you. Um... BobaAddict, right?" I guess.

She grins. "Yeah, glad to see you guys remember me this time. Anyway, how's everyone else?"

"Good...except that Diego lost his teeth and the possums lost their fur..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I _am _the author, after all."

"Then why'd you ask..."

"How long do you think I should keep Crash and Eddie hairless?"

"I don't know. Two more chapters?"

"Alright, thanks," she smiles. "That's all I came here for this time. Bye!" She disappears back into the swirly thing, before appearing a moment later. "By the way, this thing is called a portal." She disappears again inside the, ahem, 'portal.'

"She's actually a pretty nice girl when she's not giving out embarrassing pictures for bribes," Ellie observes.

"Yeah... This is actually a pretty normal chapter, don't you think?"

**As Manny said, this is a very normal (and dull and short) chapter, but it's only a little filler, because I'm running out of Manny chapters OTL. He's just hard to write about to me...**

**Review please!**


	9. S: Wait, I'm Gender Confused

**HOLY BOBA I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPLOADING THIS WEEK. DARN SCHOOL TO HECK.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ice Age. **

"Why does Granny always have to lose her teeth? Why do I always have to be the one to find them?" I mumble under my breath. I really am starting to regret making chompers for my grandmother...

I forget to pay attention to where I'm heading, and accidentally bump into someone.

"Ow!"

"Ow!"

I rub my head, and look at who I bumped into. It was another sloth, with yellow-colored fur. He has this reddish brown hair tied into a high ponytail. He actually looks a lot like my mom (that abandoned me cruelly), only male and long-haired.

"I'm so sorry!" I apologize. "I wasn't looking where I was going." I get up and extend a hand to the other sloth. He takes it.

"No, it was my fault. I should've seen you coming," he replies.

_I've never seen him around before... And he has beautiful eyes..._

I shake that last thought away. "I don't think I've seen you before. Are you new here?"

He nods. "My family and I lost our home when the earth split. We only eventually ended up here a few days ago."

I smile. "Well its nice to meet you. My name's Sid."

He smiles back. "My name's Tani. And nice to meet you too."

"_**SID!**_" I hear a booming voice shout my name. Oh boy, I'm in trouble.

Tani looks confused. "Who was that?"

Before I get a chance to answer, an angry Manny rushes up to me. "Sid, I'm going to kill you!"

"What did I do?" I ask innocently. ...What? I seriously don't know what I did.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!" Manny thunders. "WHY DID YOU PEE INTO MY TRUNK?!"

"What?!" I yelp. "I never did that!"

"THEN WHY IS THERE THIS YELLOW LIQUID IN MY TRUNK THAT SMELLS JUST LIKE YOU?!" Manny blows this disgusting yellow stuff out. Yuck.

Okay, come to think of it, when I went to pee a few hours ago, I couldn't find that tube that Shira gave Diego to use when she tied him up against that tree (What? It's pretty useful so I always use that now), so I had just grabbed the first thing I saw that looked somewhat similar. You can't deny it; Manny's trunk is shaped like a tube.

"...Oops," I smile sheepishly.

Tani laughs, giving her presence away.

Manny looks at him. "Who's this?" he asks, all traces of anger gone.

"This is Tani, and her family just moved in. And Tani, this is Manny. He's from my...herd."

Tani raises his eyebrows. "A sloth and a mammoth are in the same herd?"

"And two other mammoths, one other sloth, two sabers, and two possums. Oh, and a molehog," Manny continues nonchalantly.

"Is that why those hyrax things were making sculptures of a mammoth, sloth, and saber?" Tani questions.

"They're what?" Manny asks, confused.

"Oh, they wanted to repay us for helping them escape Gutt, so I said they could make statues in remembrance!" I grin.

"Sid, they already repaid us by helping us with that distraction so we could steal the pirate ship."

"I...have no idea what you two are talking about," Tani says slowly.

"Long story," Manny waves it off. "So do you think you're up to meeting the rest of our herd? I'm sure they'll like you."

Tani shrugs. "Sure, I've been living a pretty boring life on this island so far anyway."

"Well, nothing's boring in our herd!" I say happily as the three of us walk to where the rest of the herd are. "Everyday there's something special in our lives! Like how my family abandoned me during migration, how I'm pronounced Fire King, how I was taken by a dinosaur, and how my family abandoned me again, but this time with my poor old granny!"

"Why are you only talking about yourself?" Manny mutters. "What about how we returned Pinky to his family, how the dam broke and the whole place flooded, how the rest of us went down to the dinosaur world just to bring you back, and how me, you, and Diego almost got killed by a pirate ape?"

We arrive at the herd, and Ellie walks up to Manny. "Manny, I heard you yell something about peeing in your trunk. What was that about?"

"It basically involved Sid and his ignorance," Manny grumbles.

Except for him and me, the entire herd try to stifle their laughter.

"Anyway," Manny says, changing the subject. "Guys, meet Tani. Tani, this is my mate Ellie, my daughter Peaches, her friend Wien- I mean, Louis, Sid's grandmother Granny, my possum brothers-in-law Crash and Eddie, and–" He looks around. "Where are Diego and Shira?"

"I'm assuming that they're the sabers you mentioned?" Tani guesses.

"Yup," Manny confirms. "Want to help us look for them?"

"Can't we just wait for them to come back?" I ask.

"No, it's rude to keep someone waiting just so they could meet someone," Manny says firmly.

"Since when did you care so much about manners?" I say.

"Since now," he replies grumpily. "Now let's go."

The three of us go around the island, looking for the two love kitties, shouting their names. Eventually, we split up, me heading in one direction, and Manny and Tani (since she couldn't afford to get lost) heading in the other.

Thinking I heard something, specifically Diego and Shira, I walk past some trees that lead to a clearing. Once I get there, guess what I see? Diego and Shira. All tangled up in each other. I scream in horror.

Both Diego and Shira freeze and look up to see me. Before long, Manny and Tani come by.

"Sid, what ha–" Manny sees Diego and Shira. "Aw, Diego, if you're going to do stuff like that with your girlfriend, at least go somewhere where nobody would walk in on you," he says disgustedly.

Tani doesn't say anything, but his 'I want to laugh but I don't think that's a good idea' face just tells it all.

The rest of the herd come by. "We heard Sid scream; is he alright?" Ellie worriedly asks before all of them see the heaping mess of tiger.

"I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE LOOKING AT THIS!" Peaches complains, while covering Louis's eyes.

"I NEVER KNEW TIGERS WERE SO DISGUSTING!" Crash whines.

"YOU GUYS SUCK!" Eddie complains.

Diego and Shira, finally realizing that they have the power to move, untie themselves from each other.

"I can– We– We were–" Diego stutters. Remind me to give him acting lessons.

"So who's that sloth over there?" Shira asks casually as if nothing just happened.

"I'm Tani. By the way, nice moves with your boyfriend," Tani says, still looking highly amused.

Shira smiles. "I only met you for merely 2 seconds, and I'm already deciding that I like you." She turns to Diego. "You. Say something."

"Uh, just to prevent more stress in my life, are you interspecific?"

Shira facepalms.

"No...?" Tani replies, looking bewildered.

Diego smiles. "Good."

"What..." Tani starts before I nervously laugh.

"Yeah...long story..."

* * *

"Guys... I just found out that Tani was a girl," I say slowly.

I wait for the uproar of shock. But instead, this is what I get:

"Sid, what made you suddenly come back to reality?" –Manny

"Screw you and your logic." –Diego

"Even we're not that stupid!" –Crash and Eddie

"What made you think that she was a boy?" –Ellie

"She has long hair, and a girl figure." –Peaches

"Not to mention that Tani is a girl's name." –Louis

"In other words, you should be able to tell she was a girl just by looking at her." –Shira

"My grandson has a smaller brain than I thought! And I already thought that it was mighty small!" –Granny

"...Wait, so all of you knew?! And didn't tell me?!" I say, shocked at my own stupidity.

"Why would we tell you something when we clearly thought that you knew already?" Diego mutters.

I pout, dejected at everyone's lack of love towards me.

"So what made you suddenly know she's a girl?" Ellie asks.

"I was walking her home...and once we got there, her dad immediately started yelling at me, saying, 'I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT'S YOUR NAME, BUT STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!' and then I was like, 'Wait, your daughter is a girl?!' and Tani was just like, 'Dad, calm down! And yes, Sid, I'm a girl!' ...The end."

"THAT IS HILARIOUS!" Crash and Eddie roll on the ground laughing their butts off.

"It's not funny!" I wail. "I was gender-confused, for crying out loud!"

**It should be pretty obvious why Diego asked Tani if she was interspecific. XD**

**There's also this poll on my profile that I want you guys to vote on, asking what you would like to see in the future of this fanfic.**

**By the way, I have a pretty good idea on what the next chapter is going to be about... But you guys are going to hate me once I post it. :P**

**I'm pretty sure I haven't said this before, so... You guys can feel free to give me prompts/ideas for this fanfic. You know, to keep the juices flowing. 'Cause despite the fact that I may seem to have tons of creativity...I actually don't... OTL Just keep in mind: there are some requests that might not be accepted, so please don't get offended if that happens to you. ^^; But most of them will be.**

**Review please!**


	10. D: Why Did Things Turn Out Like This?

**Time for the begrudging chapter that you guys are surely going to kill me for. :P**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ice Age, because if I did, everything in my fanfic would've actually happened.**

"Hey guys!" Tani greets me, Shira, Sid, Manny, and Ellie. Ever since the day we met her, she's been coming by everyday.

"Hey!" Sid smiles. I just know for a fact that he likes her. "You changed your hairstyle."

Tani has her hair down with a lotus flower pinned on one side. "Well, yeah. I didn't want anyone thinking I was a guy again, so I switched to something girlier," she says, giving Sid a teasing look.

Sid rubs his head, looking embarrassed. "Hehe... Right."

Tani looks at Ellie, who's trying to tend to Manny's trunk.

"Well, Manny's trunk got all scratched up when he accidentally woke Diego up," Ellie explains.

"I swear, I don't remember anything like that happening!" I protest.

"Sure you don't," Manny grumbles. "'Cause you're in a blind rage when you're disturbed from sleep."

"Wow," Tani chuckles. "You guys really are different from Diego and Shira. I can't picture Shira trying to bandage up Diego's sabers if he ever lost them."

"I actually lost my sabers once because of Crash and Eddie," I frown at the memory. "The only thing Shira did about it was tie me up against a tree and give me a tube so I could pee."

"You were going to attack and kill the possums," Shira counters. "I wasn't going to let that happen."

"Uh, they ripped out my sabers," I state. "You would be pretty mad if that happened to you."

"I'm not prone to angry outbursts like you. I obviously wouldn't be too happy, but I don't think that it would be necessary to actually shave off their fur."

"How would you know for sure when it hasn't even really happened to you?"

"Because I know myself better than anyone else," she sighs in annoyance.

"Right. And you never thought that you'd betray your pirate crew and join us," I counter.

"Are you saying that I made a mistake when I made that decision?!"

"Um, okay guys, maybe we should change the subject now," Sid says hastily, trying to prevent more drama.

"I'm not saying that you made a mistake! I'm just saying that even you might not know yourself all that well!" I exclaim, completely ignoring Sid.

"Oh, so if I don't, then you do? When did you become my stalker?!"

"I NEVER SAID THAT! Can't you stop overreacting at whatever I say?!"

"Come on, you two..." Ellie tries to intervene.

"I OVERREACT?! I'M NOT THE ONE WHO'S CONSTANTLY MOODY!"

"CONSTANTLY MOODY?! SINCE WHEN HAVE I EVER BEEN CONSTANTLY MOODY?!"

"This isn't going to end well..." I hear Manny say from the sidelines.

"SINCE ALWAYS! YOU'RE MORE DENSE THAN SID!"

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW!"

"NO!"

"Guys, maybe you should just forget about what I said..." Tani says. Like all the others, she's ignored.

"YOU KNOW, IF THIS IS WHAT WE REALLY THINK OF EACH OTHER, MAYBE THIS ISN'T GOING TO WORK OUT!"

I feel as if something extremely heavy just dropped onto my heart. But ignoring it, I yell back, "FINE THEN! I GUESS WE'RE OVER!"

Both of us storm off in opposite directions, not paying any heed to all the pairs of eyes on us.

"What just happened?" I overhear Sid quietly ask Manny. For once, I agree with him. What _did _just happen?

**Ah, I depressed myself just writing this chapter. -n-**

**So this chapter was kind of short ****(What am I saying? Very short, I mean), **but I'm pretty sure we can all agree that this one deserves to be a separate chapter that stands on its own. 

**Reviews will be appreciated if I survive the screaming angry fangirl mob at my front door. :D**


	11. M: Honey is the Stickiest Thing On Earth

**This is like one of the very few times I actually write a first draft before typing it up. XD And I am so sorry for not uploading anything lately AGAIN. If this keeps up, I might only be able to update once a week. :L And if I have time, I might even have enough luck to type up the next chapter and have it uploaded by tonight.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ice Age.**

"You guys are probably wondering why I called you here," Sid begins, standing up on a rock.

"What's this all about, Sid?" I ask, slightly annoyed that he interrupted my (I mean our) previous activities.

"We need to enforce 'Operation Diego and Shira Love-Love Again'!"

We all groan. "That's the third time this week, Sid!"

"But ever since their breakup, it's always tense whenever they're standing in a 500-foot radius of each other!"

"It's best to let them make up without us interfering," Ellie advises.

"But knowing those two, that'd take a long time…" Crash says thoughtfully. "A _very _long time…"

"The rest of us will probably die before that happens," Eddie agrees.

"Are both of them really that stubborn?" Tani asks.

I shrug. "Kinda depends on what type of situation they're in."

"What are you guys doing?" Shira walks over to us.

"We're trying to think up a plan on how to get Diego and Shira to make up!" Sid announces proudly, not realizing who he's speaking to.

Shira raises an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

"Yes, rea-" Sid stops short, finally taking in the fact that he had just spoiled his plans to one of the sabers he had meant to keep them from. "SHIRA! Could you pretend that you didn't hear any of that?"

Shira rolls her eyes. "Guys, it's fine. It wasn't your fault or anything."

"Do you really think that splitting up with Uncle Diego because of a silly argument is a good idea?" Peaches asks skeptically.

"It's not about the argument; it's about how we both lost control over our emotions that easily. That doesn't really spell out 'compatibility'… By the way, not that I care or anything, but what exactly was your plan?"

I'm betting she does care.

Sid starts giggling like an idiot. "Well, BobaAddict visited me when I was having my daily nap yesterday, and she gave me these cutout things of you and Diego, and said that I could do whatever I want with them, so I-"

"MOTHERFU – **SID**!"

"You did something you're really proud of, did you?" I say sarcastically to the sloth, who had stopped laughing.

Diego appears with this giant cutout thing in his mouth and pounces on Sid while shouting death threats.

I pry him off of my helpless friend. "What happened? Why are you so mad?!"

Diego doesn't say anything, but simply just takes the thing he's carrying around and shows us what it is: A picture of Shira's head pasted onto Diego's body.

Shira has this odd, odd look on her face. And of course, Crash and Eddie make a snide comment that causes Diego to fling them into oblivion again.

"…Really, Sid?" Shira finally asks, snapping out of her speechlessness. "I don't see how this would've made a good plan."

"Sure it would've," Sid argues. "'Compatibility,' remember?"

"That is not what compatibility means!" Diego groans.

"Oh," Sid blinks. "Never mind then."

Sigh.

"But still! You need your love life back!" Sid goes behind Diego and tries to push him towards Shira.

"Sid, you and I both know that it's impossible for a 15-ounce sloth to push a thousand-pound cat," Diego points out.

"Well it's worth trying! …And I'm not 15 ounces!"

"Oh, forgive me… Five-ounce."

"Meanie!" Sid pouts.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever… Now get your hands off my butt before someone comes by and gets the wrong idea."

Sid reluctantly tries to take his hands off Diego. Key word: tries. As in he fails.

"Sid, let go!"

"I'm trying to, Diego! But my hands are stuck to you!"

"What?!" Diego reaches back with out of his front legs and tries to pull Sid off of his behind, only to get it stuck to Sid's arm.

"AAH! SIDNEY! GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF LADY'S BUTT, YOU PERV!" Granny bonks Sid.

"Lady?" Ellie, Louis, Peaches, and Tani all question.

Diego manages a dry smile. "She hasn't called me that in so long, I actually started thinking that she figured out that I'M A MALE!" He yells that last part near Granny's eardrum.

"SIDNEY! DON'T BE SUCH A MOLESTER!" Granny shouts again, not having heard Diego at all.

Diego groans. "Sid, did you touch anything sticky lately?"

"Well when I made that cutout of you with Shira's head, I used this honey stuff to stick it together…" Sid trails off. Diego stares.

"HELP ME!" they both scream at me at the same time.

"Uh, no thanks," I say, not wanting to risk becoming a third victim of the honey.

"WHY NOT?!" they shout in unison again.

"Because we're in public! Others are looking at us!" Which is true. I point to a small crowd formed by a few other animals.

"DIEGO!" a familiar female voice in the crowd shouts.

Diego freezes up. "Oh no…" He starts running. And when I say running, I mean that he's stumbling, trying not to trip, and dragging Sid along with him.

"Wait, Diego!" Lola emerges from the crowd and goes after him.

"Who's that?" Tani asks.

"Just some interspecific fortunetelling sloth whose biggest dream is to make out with my ex-boyfriend," Shira replies.

Diego comes running back, looking like he wants to die.

"Diego, wait! If you were gay, you should've told me from the start!" all of us hear Lola say, as she still pursues him.

"I'M NOT A GAY INTERSPECIES! I'M INTO FEMALE SABERS! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT?!"

"I thought you broke up with your girlfriend!"

Diego stops abruptly, skidding right into Shira, with Sid right behind him. "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STOP STALKING ME!"

Shira coughs awkwardly underneath him.

"Oh, right… Sorry…" Diego gets off of her. Wow. They never thought that it was awkward when they were on top of each other before, even back when they hated each other (or more like when Shira hated Diego). I'm starting to get get why Sid thinks that they need help making up.

"Aw, but I can't help it! I love you too much!" Lola gushes, catching up to him.

Diego looks like he's about to puke.

"Hey," Tani cuts in. "I think you should visit him another time. He's kind of had a long day."

Fortunately enough, Lola agrees and heads home, promising that she'll be back tomorrow.

"How are you the only one who manages to control her?" Louis asks Tani.

She shrugs. "I don't know. Female sloth to female sloth, I guess."

"Uh, thanks for that… Now can someone _please _help me?" Diego asks with all the politeness he could manage.

**Done!**

**Sid: -growing mushrooms in the corner- Why did my hands get stuck to Diego's butt…?**

**Me: Hey! A lot more bad stuff happens to Diego, and you don't see **_**him **_**growing fungi in my room corner!**

**Diego: -starts punching a random punching bag that has my face on it-**

**Me: Wait, where'd you get that? …Now just a second here, WHY ARE THE TWO OF YOU IN MY ROOM?!**

**Diego: -stops punching- You just noticed? We came here like 10 minutes ago.**

**Me: Of course I just noticed! I was busy typing! Now go away. You too, Sid. I don't want any more mushrooms infesting my house.**

**Sid and Diego: But we wanna stay!**

**Me: …Alright, readers, please review, while I try my hardest to get these two idiots out of my house! :D**


	12. S: Diego Hits His Head Against Trees

**Okay, so I was halfway done with the first draft, but I know I said that I'll try to get it up by tonight, so I was like, 'what the heck, I'm going straight to the final draft.' And before I forget to tell you this, you guys know the cutout Sid made in the last chapter of Shira's head attached to Diego's body? Yeah, well, I made a picture of that, and it's on my deviantArt. If you want to go see it, my deviantArt link is at the bottom of my profile. The picture's an absolute fail of PiZap, but it's better than nothing. :P**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ice Age.**

"What's wrong with him?" I hear Diego say.

"He just suddenly started sulking about how he's been having bad luck with love all throughout his life," Manny informs him.

"…So?"

I jump up from my crouching-in-mourning position. "SO?!" I cry. "I'M SINGLE AND LONELY! AT LEAST HAVE SOME SYMPATHY!"

"Don't forget that I'm single too," Diego reminds me. Oh yeah, I was so caught up in my love life that I forgot about his.

"But you and Shira are destined to be with each other!"

"We split up."

"You'll get back together!"

"Why are you so interested in this? You're the one who said that we wouldn't last long," Diego says rather flatly.

"When did I ever say that?!"

"Back in chapter 1, remember?"

_"I'd rather not, it's not like it's going to change anything. Besides, it should be obvious that we're going to stay together."_

_"True...but there's a chance that things will end badly for Diego and Shira."_

_"I'm right here," Diego said, growing more irritated by the second._

Okay, I'll admit that does seem familiar…

"You still like her," I persist nonetheless.

"No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"Okay, maybe a little."

"YES YOU – Wait, what?"

"I said, 'maybe a little.' Now can we _please _change the subject?"

Taking into consideration that that was the closest 'yes' answer I could possibly get from him, I don't press on.

"Have both of you forgotten that I'm here too?" Manny speaks up.

"No," I lie. "Now back to our original topic, WHAT IS KEEPING THE LADIES FROM ME?!"

"Uh, maybe you're just imagining it," Manny says quickly.

"I can name about a thousand reasons why-" Diego stops abruptly as Manny glares at him. "Uh, I mean, you're just being paranoid."

I smile. "Aw, thanks guys. You really mean that?"

"Sure!" Manny smiles. It's probably just me, but it seems slightly forced…

"Yeah, not really – OW!" Diego yelps as Manny hits him on the head with his trunk. "I-I mean, totally!"

I stop smiling. "But the only female sloths I know that are on this island are Lola and Tani…"

"I get the problem with Lola, but what's wrong with Tani?" Manny asks.

"She's my friend! It would be awkward if I liked her that way!"

"It's even more awkward if you end up mating with Crazy Face," Diego points out.

"Is that your new nickname for Lola or something?"

"Don't say her name! Just being reminded of her freaks me out!"

"I know she's clingy and all, but I don't think it's that bad," I argue.

"That's 'cause you haven't met her brother…" Diego mutters.

"She has a brother?" Me and Manny both ask.

"Yup. Apparently she still thinks that there's a chance I might end up with her, so she introduced me to her brother…" Diego makes a disgusted face. "He's just as terrible as her."

"He's interspecific too?" Manny guesses.

"Not exactly… I'm not the one he likes, which is a good thing, since things would get bloody if I was."

"So who does he like?" I ask curiously.

"You really don't want to know…"

"What? Sure I do! I'm a person who finds love lives very interesting!"

Diego says something under his breath. I'm not sure what, but it sounds like something along the lines of "No sh*t."

I disregard his dirty mouth for once. "Come on, I'm serious! Who is it?"

"Fine, I'll tell you. Just don't pass out from shock. Let's just say that Lyndon – that's his name – saw you before."

"Me?" I point to myself.

"Yes, you."

"…What does that have to do with anything?"

"So…" Diego says slowly. "He told me that he thinks you're cute."

"Really? I'm flattered," I say happily. "He seems like a very kind – Wait, Manny, Diego, why are you guys hitting your heads against that tree?"

* * *

"Sid!" Lola calls me the next day. "Have you seen Diego?"

"Yeah, he's, um…" I point to the tree where Diego had captured Shira in when she still worked for Gutt. "In there."

Lola frowns. "Is he avoiding me?"

"No, of course not!" I reassure her, though I wasn't sure myself.

"Lola!" A male sloth much taller than her appears. "Mom wants us to-" He sees me, and starts stuttering. "U-Um…hi…"

I smile. "Hi! I'm Sid! Are you Lyndon?"

Lyndon attempts to smile back. "Y-Yeah…"

Lola tries to push her brother away. "Sorry about him, he can get a little creepy at times…"

Diego pokes his head out of the hole of the tree. "Look who's talking."

"What do you mean?" Lola bats her eyes innocently.

Diego looks creeped out. "_That's _what I mean."

"Don't worry, Lola! I don't think your brother's creepy at all!" I say, still smiling.

Lyndon blushes. "T-Thanks."

"Okay, this is just getting awkward. If you need me, I'll be in here." Diego disappears back inside.

I frown. "Diego, don't be rude!"

Diego's head reappears. "You still don't get it, do you?"

"Get what? You have to clarify with me…

Diego groans and starts hitting his head against the side of the tree twice as hard as yesterday.

"Hey Diego, if you're going to keep hitting your head against trees, you'll end up with brain damage once you get older," I warn him.

**YES, I MANAGED TO GET THIS CHAPTER DONE BEFORE THE NIGHT ENDS. :D**

**Okay, so apparently, I was unable to get Diego and Sid out of my room, so…they'll be staying with us for a while. They both very reluctantly agreed that if they want to stay here, they'll have to play truth or dare. So reviewers, if you want to, send in questions/dares for them to do! And don't worry, I can guarantee that they won't refuse any of them. –smiles evilly- Just keep this in mind: One reviewer can only send in one question/dare at a time. 'Cause believe me, I've had my experience with actual truths/dares, and…if there's too much, it takes like weeks just to get them all done.**

**Sid: …Wait, I really don't get it. What's the matter with Lyndon?**

**Me: -looks at Diego- You're on your own again, dude. I'm not gonna start helping you explain homosexuality to him.**

**Sid: What's homosexuality?**

**Diego: Uh… You see, Sid, some certain animals – and people – may have 'special hormones' that… -looks at me- You sure you can't help me with this?**

**Me: Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Not that I have anything against homos or anything. They're allied with us straights. Discrimination against gays or lesbians or bisexuals is just dumb.**

**Diego: …Okay, yeah, I have no idea what you just said there…**

**Me: Of course you don't. Now review please!**


	13. D: Blackmailing Always Works

**Me: This is it, folks! This is the chapter where Diego and Shira will make up! :D**

**Diego: FINALLY!**

**Me: Aw, did the little tiger miss being with his little tigress? :3**

**Diego: ...Shut up...**

**Sid: BobaAddict does not own Ice Age! ...Is that a good or bad thing? **

**Me: -gives Diego mac and cheese- Eat this. It's a present from Lorithemolehog123.**

**Diego: What is it?**

**Me: Modern food. Trust me, you'll like it.**

**Diego: -eats- It's okay, I guess...**

**Me: The special ingredient is Sid's toenails.**

**Diego: PFFFFFT! **

**Sid: Hey, these toenail clipper things are great! Now my toes can look nice and pretty! :D -clips-**

"So Diego..." Sid begins with this innocent tone in his voice. Oh no.

"Absolutely not, Sid," I cut him off.

Sid frowns. "You don't even know what I'm going to ask!"

"You want me to make up with Shira, don't you?"

"Uh... No?"

I sigh. "I knew it."

"Come on! It was just one silly fight!"

"No matter how much you try, your persuasion skills don't get any better."

Sid stomps his foot, indicating that he's going to throw a tantrum. "Fine! I'm just trying to care about you, and you act like I'm some kind of nuisance! But if you really are that unappreciative, I'll stop being your friend!" He runs off, sobbing.

...Good riddance. He's not really crying. He's just trying to get me to listen to him.

* * *

"Hey, Diego," Manny greets me. "Sid accidentally fell off that cliff nearby. You think you can go down there and help him back up?"

I think back to what had happened earlier today. "...No. Get Shira to do it."

"Shira, Ellie, and Tani are having a girls' day out. Who knows what they're doing?" Manny rolls his eyes.

"...I'm still not helping Sid."

"Look, Sid told me all about your little squabble this morning. But come on, do you really think Sid's coordinated enough to climb up a steep cliff without a saber to help him?"

He's got a point. "Fine, I'll do it," I grumble after giving it some thought.

Manny smiles. "Good. I thought I might have to start blackmailing you."

"Blackmailing me with what?"

"This." He holds up that picture of me and Sid kissing. Crud, I totally forgot about that.

"You were the last one I expected to actually pull something like that," I say, slightly annoyed.

"That's not surprising. Now shoo." Manny waves me off with his trunk.

I walk over to the said cliff, muttering insults under my breath. Hey, I'm kind of in a bad mood. And no, it's not because I'm single again.

Once I reach the cliff ledge, I peer over to see if I could spot Sid. I don't see him, and I'm sure that its not just my eyesight failing me. I call over my shoulder, "Manny, I don't see–"

Before I could finish, I feel something wrap around me, and suddenly I'm hurled down the cliff, hitting a few rocks on the way down. You think it hurts? You thought right.

Once I reach the bottom (by falling on my face), I vow to myself to make dead meat out of whoever just threw me off of the rocky ledge.

"Sid, I thought you said that cats always land on their feet," I hear Manny say up there.

"They're supposed to! There's just something wrong with Diego!" I hear Sid answer.

Wait, if Sid's up there... Okay, those two are going to be so lucky if they don't end up being my dinner tonight.

I see Manny's head appear as he peers over to look at me. "Sorry Diego, but Sid blackmailed me!" he calls.

"Seriously, what's with you and blackmailing?!" I reply angrily. "And why'd you throw me down here?!"

"It's all part of Operation Diego And Shira Love-Love Again #2!" Sid announces proudly to me.

Wait, so that means...

"Hi," I hear Shira say behind me.

I turn around. "Hi," I say back, using the same forced tone she just used with me. I turn back to the persistent sloth and the traitorous mammoth. "You know, I could just go back up there and rip you two apart!"

"I'll throw you back down there before you get the chance to!" Manny counters.

I scowl, knowing that I can't argue with that. Yup, I am definitely making those two into edible food.

"Just give it up. They're not going to let us go back up there until we actually talk to each other," Shira mutters.

I sit down. "How did you get down here?"

"The exact same way you did. Except that I actually landed on my feet instead of going splat on my face."

Did she really have to point that last part out?

"And if you're wondering why I had to point that last part out to you, it's so I could prove that I'm more agile than you."

...Telepathic little witch-with-a-B.

"I have a feeling that we'll be stuck down here for a long time," I mutter.

* * *

"This is boring," Shira announces.

"Then do something. You don't need my permission," I snap.

"Then what do you suggest I do, Mr. Know-it-All?" she asks me sarcastically.

"..."

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

* * *

"How long have we been stranded together here?" I ask moodily.

"Around two hours."

"Feels more like twelve."

"Hey, I don't like this either!" she snaps back at me. "I'm stuck at the bottom of a cliff, the others aren't going to let me get out, and the worst part of it all is that I'm stuck with the very one I really don't want to be with right now!"

"I've never seen someone so touchy when they're not even pregnant," I remark.

She gives me this scathing look. "Like you're one to talk."

"At least I don't get mad when nobody even said anything," I shoot back.

"You _really _are clueless when it comes to your temper, are you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"See? That's just proof that you're the touchiest guy ever."

"You just love rubbing my flaws in my face, don't you?"

"So Mr. Tough Guy admits that he has flaws? That's a first."

"Who do you take me for? Some kind of narcissistic saber-version of Sid?"

"Hey! I heard that!" Sid (who was the only one who was still watching the two of us) yells from the top of the cliff.

"Will you leave?!" I shout back. Sid mumbles something before leaving.

"And I'm not stuck-up, if you really think that," I add, turning back to Shira.

She rolls her eyes. "Whatever. I'm sick of this argument anyway." She lies down, going into nap-mode.

I do the same thing, though I find it impossible for some reason.

"I can't sleep," I say, not caring if I disturbed Shira's slumber.

"I can't either," she replies, opening her eyes and sitting up. "Why can't you sleep?"

I shrug. "I don't know... Too much on my mind, I guess."

"Same here. I've been thinking about a lot if stuff..."

"Like what?"

"You know... Like our breakup, and stuff..."

I gulp down this mushy string of apologies that try to force themselves past my throat. "W...What about it?" I ask lamely.

"Nothing!" she defends sharply.

"If it was nothing, why would you mention it?" I point out, trying to sound casual.

"You wouldn't ask me that if you didn't care."

Okay, she knows me too well...

"I never said I didn't..." I mumble.

Shira's ears perk up. "What?"

I can't believe that I was stupid enough to forget that sabers (like myself) have sharp hearing.

Oh well, might as well let it out before I embarrass myself further. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for overreacting that day, I'm sorry I let us break up, I'm sorry I've been ignoring you lately, and I'm sorry this apology is so long," I let out in one breath.

Shira smirks. "I just knew that you would break down."

"You get a very rare apology from me and that's all you say?" I question.

"Well... I guess I'm sorry too... I wasn't any better than you were," she says tentatively.

I give a small smile. "So... We're cool now?"

Shira shrugs. "I guess."

"Are we...back together now or something...?"

"I don't know... It'd be kind of bad if something like that happens again... Maybe we could take things a little slower this time... Let's just try being friends," she suggests.

My smile grows bigger. "Could we be best friends?"

She smiles back. "I don't see why not."

My smile disappears. "But Manny and Sid are still dead."

Shira rolls her eyes playfully. "Ellie and Tani are too. Come on, best friend. Let's hurry up and take care of those four when they're still not expecting it."

She walks off, with me trailing behind. Being best friends with my ex-girlfriend might be the best idea ever...

**Me: Before anybody says anything, I never said that they would get back together in this chapter. I just said that they would make up. Did I get anyone's hopes up? -blinks innocently-**

**Diego: ...**

**Me: Dude, you should know me by now. I'm too evil to let you two actually start dating again this fast. **

**Sid: Does that mean you'll make them get back together in the future?**

**Me: Uh, yeah. I'm too much of a Diego x Shira fan to keep you guys apart. You'll just have to wait 10-15 chapters.**

**Sid: Ten?**

**Diego: FIFTEEN?! -screams and runs upstairs to my room-**

**Sid: I think you broke him.**

**Me: I did not! -hears something break in my room- ...Okay, maybe I did. Stay here while I make sure most of the things in my room are still in tact. -runs upstairs-**

**Sid: Review...?**


	14. Bonus Chapter: P: I Am A Terrible Doctor

**Me: OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I DIDN'T UPDATE FOR ONE WHOLE FREAKING MONTH.**

**Diego: That's your own fault. -shrug-**

**Me: -glare glare glare- Keep that mouth of yours shut or I'll postpone the chapter where you get back together with Shira even more than I did already.**

**Diego: Be my guest, if you want your room trashed again.**

**Me: -scowl- You already broke my lamp!**

**Diego: -shrugs again- It was an ugly lamp.**

**Sid: -gasp- Diego! How could you ever say that? It's a beautiful lamp! See? -holds up broken lamp, which is being held together by Scotch tape-**

**Diego: -snort-**

**Me: ...Okay, even I have to say that looks hideous. I don't own Ice Age, by the way. Now I'm stopping this author's note before it ends up longer than the actual chapter. And before I forget, this chapter was requested by EDWARDNYGMA23.**

"We are... We are family..." I hum to myself softly while I pick off some good peaches to eat. Heh, peaches... My name... Get it? Haha. Okay, lame pun, I know.

Mom and Dad both wanted me to do something 'productive' since Uncle Sid both threatened to step on their trunks in front of everybody if they didn't help him out in his plan on getting Uncle Diego and Aunt Shira back together. He left me out of it though, and I didn't really have anything to do. Louis is out sick today, and his mom doesn't want it to spread to any of his friends, so hanging out with him is a big no-no. So what better thing can I do than to go out and pick some fresh fruits?

Absorbed in my own thoughts, I accidentally step on something, and I hear a pained groan. I gasp and lift up my foot. The thing – or animal – is stuck on the bottom.

"Oh, I'm sorry, little fella!" I apologize frantically, peeling the poor thing – which happens to be a weird-looking squirrel – off my gigantic foot and making sure it's still alive. "I didn't mean to step on ya!"

The squirrel, who is completely flattened, only let out a squeak.

I frown. "You don't seem to talk much. You know what, I'll nurse you back to health."

He doesn't seem to like that idea very much, and tries to run away. I don't blame him; I mean, I wouldn't want to be near someone who nearly crushed me either.

Nevertheless, I grab him with my trunk before he can get too far. "It's alright, little guy. I won't hurt you anymore."

I carry him off to a clearing in the jungle, with him struggling to break free the whole way. Sigh.

I lay him down on a soft patch of grass, and he immediately starts running off. I easily catch him again. "Try to get away again, and you'll earn yourself a spanking," I warn him.

He glares at me maliciously like I'm a parent who just took away his favorite toy. I merely shrug.

"Sorry, but you don't have a choice. Now do you have any pains in any part of your body?"

His expression doesn't change, making me sigh again. I poke various parts of his body (No, not like that, you perverts) and flinch when he cries out in pain when I press on his stomach.

"Maybe I...put a little too much pressure," I say sheepishly. Once again, he looks at me as if he wants to put a million holes through my head.

"Peaches?"

I turn around at the sound of my predatory uncle's voice, and smile at the sight of him. "Hey."

"Hey," he greets back. "What are you doin'?"

"Oh, I accidentally stepped on this strange squirrel and I'm trying to take care of him." I pick up said squirrel and show it to Uncle Diego. "See?"

He nods. "Yeah, I see it. I'm not blind. Me and Shira are on our way to kill your parents, Sid, and Tani. " I finally notice Aunt Shira, who gives me a small smile, next to him.

"You seen any of them?" she asks me casually as if she's asking for an orange. Except that sabers don't eat fruit.

I shake my head. "Sorry, but I haven't. What do you want to kill them for?"

"For making us land face-first at the bottom of a cliff," my uncle explains – though it takes me a few seconds to actually comprehend that he means that they threw them off a ledge.

"By 'us' landing face-first, you mean 'you', right?" Aunt Shira points out, giving Uncle Diego a look. He shoots a dark glare right back at her.

"Shut up," he mutters.

She grins. "Darling, you have such a cute pout when you're annoyed with me!" she coos while Uncle Diego and her walk away.

I widen my eyes at that last remark. There was absolutely _no way _they were back together; I couldn't sense any lovey-dovey atmosphere around those two. And I am _always_ able to sense those. Ah well, they seem to have at least made up. I resist the urge to follow them and turn back to the squirrel. His glare is gone, replaced with a look of absolute defeat and despair.

"Now where were we? Oh right, your stomach was hurting. I know the perfect herbs to cure that. I'll be right back."

I head off, but not before becoming too careless with where my feet are stepping, and accidentally step on him again. Luckily, I don't step as hard as before, and after making sure he's okay (which he is), I continue to try to find the medicine.

* * *

The squirrel ends up being another one of those animals that hates gulping down meds, because it takes me a while to manage to get him to swallow. While trying to hold him down, I accidentally step on him _again_. Okay, maybe I ought to be a little less clumsy.

* * *

Before being convinced that the he was fully healed, I had stepped on him seven more times. I vow to myself to never become a doctor or nurse.

He blows a raspberry at me (I never could get him to like me) after he spots something (I had followed his line of sight, and he happened to be staring at a simple acorn) and runs off toward it. But before he does so, I make one final goodbye and hug him with my trunk. He squirms at first, but suddenly stops. I soon find out that it's because I'm choking him. I let him go before he suffocates and drop him to the ground. Once he regains his breath, he shakes his fist at me and runs off in the direction of the acorn.

I begin to walk off in the opposite direction until I hear that squirrel scream out in pain again in the distance. I then hear Steffie, another mammoth who I'm sort of friends with, exclaim, "Oh my god, what is this thing that I stepped on?!"

I just smile.

**Me: Once again, I'm very sorry that this is so late! But this was a hard chapter...**

**Diego: The hiatus was nice while it lasted.**

**Me: -puts duct tape over his mouth- I'm going to self-advertise for a bit here. You may have seen a new story called Surrounded By Darkness, which is written by me, in the archive. I would very much appreciate it if you guys could check it out and leave a review. :)**

**Sid: It's really different from anything you guys have ever seen! It's about the entire herd and zombies, and I drink this gooey stuff and-**

**Me: -also puts duct tape over his mouth- No spoilers, Sid!**

**Sid: -muffles- (Translation: I'm sorry...)**

**Diego: -muffles- (Translation: I can't talk with this thing on.)**

**Me: Which is a good thing, mind you. Now review because it makes me happy! Oh yeah, and just in case somebody hasn't caught on yet, this chapter was set during the last one.**


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